


show me something pretty

by dearygirl



Series: Matryoshka [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Family Feels, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 17:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2356229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearygirl/pseuds/dearygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The group has escaped Terminus and is back on the road fighting walkers, searching for purpose, and attempting to deal with changing relationships and power dynamics. Or, Beth and Daryl are in love, Beth and Rick are kind of married, and relationships in the apocalypse are complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	show me something pretty

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how this happened. But I already love anyone willing to read all these words about these people who have taken over my heart space.
> 
> My eternal thanks to openhearts for the beta. If beta is even the right word to describe all the encouragement and handholding and brain sharing and late night capslocking it took to get me to write this thing.
> 
> Title comes from Patrick Park's Something Pretty.

~*~

 

She nearly trips into his arms trying to get to him and the solid real weight of her almost knocks him off his feet. It takes too long for his brain to catch up as he wraps his arms around her, his movements stilted and jerky and unsure. But then her face is pressed to his neck and he hears his name choked out on a sob against his skin. He feels his own tears hot in the corners of his eyes and he tucks his chin down to rest against her temple and bundles her tighter and closer to him until it feels like he might suffocate them both.

 

~*~

 

Daryl hears the scrape of the fire door as it opens behind him and he looks over his shoulder to check, assuming it’ll be Rick or Glenn because those two have been sleeping as little as him lately. The flash of blonde and a brown wool sweater he sees out of the corner of his eye though makes his chest tighten and he looks forward again, dropping his chin down and gazing hard at the ground two stories below.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“M’not tired,” she murmurs coming up beside him and peering over the ledge over his shoulder. “You’re not scared you’re going to fall?”

Daryl scoffs, but Beth’s already perching herself next to him, carefully maneuvering around so her legs dangle over the edge of the building next to his. Her fingers curl into the brick on either side of her and her arm presses into Daryl’s from elbow to shoulder.

He clasps his hands together even tighter in his lap.

It’s quiet. A vast panorama of treetops spreads out before them beyond the road leading to the warehouse they’ve found to hunker down in for a few days while they plan their next move. The half moon hangs high over them, backlighting a trail of wispy clouds that slowly glide over the star-speckled sky.

“I thought about you a lot,” Beth says softly.

Daryl flinches and jerks his head towards her but she doesn’t look at him, just kicks her legs out in front of her, tilting her feet back and forth like opposing metronomes a couple times and then lets them fall back against the side of the building, the heels of her boots thudding against the brick.

“I’d think about that terrible drinking game. And the country club. Eatin’ peanut butter and jelly.” She smiles and drops her chin down to her shoulder, eyes downcast, and Daryl can’t bring himself to look away. “I’d recite everything you taught me ‘bout trackin’ over and over so often I could probably give you a run for your money now.”

Daryl snorts.

“And cigarette smoke.” She finally looks up at him. “I’d smell it in the air and immediately look around for you.”

Her gaze is so steady and sure, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth, as if she’s not even expecting a response - just needed to say it, needed him to hear it.

Daryl sits up straighter and presses his palms against his thighs. “I tried.”

Beth’s expression morphs into curiosity.

“I saw the car. And I tried.”

“I know,” she whispers.

“Ran all night.” He huffs out a laugh at himself and glares into the distance. There’s a walker ambling crookedly down the road toward them, barely visible in the shadows from the towering trees. Daryl decides to ignore it for now.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Ain’t your fault.”

“Ain’t yours either.” Beth bumps her shoulder against his and leans in, smiling even wider. “So aren’t you going to tell me how much you missed me?” she teases. Daryl only makes an unintelligible noise in his throat and shrugs so she continues. “How every time you came across a blonde walker you’d make sure it wasn’t me before shootin’ it?”

His entire body seems to go still then and Beth must feel the change in tension because when he meets her eyes the smile has faded from her lips. Her gaze on him is wide and open and questioning, but when he doesn’t say anything she lets out a little sigh and leans her head on his shoulder.

It’s quiet for a long moment and her weight against him is a warming comfort. The walker from the street has wandered back into the trees and the only sound comes from the choir of insect noises drifting on the cooling night air around them.

“If you close your eyes it’s almost like we’re back on that porch,” Beth murmurs. She tilts her head up and rests her chin on his shoulder and he can feel the warm puff of her breath against his neck. “’Cept we don’t have any moonshine.”

Daryl turns into her close enough so her nose brushes against the line of his jaw. “Why? You wanna burn this place down too?”

He feels it vibrating through her when she laughs, loud and surprised at his teasing. She presses her face against his arm to muffle the sound and Daryl ducks his head down with a smile.

“We’d need a lot more moonshine,” she giggles.

“Hmmm.” Daryl nods and looks back toward the door to the stairwell. “You should get some sleep. Been a long day.” When he chances a look at her she’s smiling and he finds himself locked in her gaze, unable to do anything but blink at her until she reaches up and brushes his hair away from his cheek, then leans in and presses a kiss there. It’s lingering and soft and she inhales deeply once before pulling away.

Daryl follows her movement, tilting toward her slightly, but covering it with a hand at her low back as she turns around and stands back up.

“Night, Daryl.” Her fingers brush over his shoulder. He doesn’t watch her walk away and when he hears the click of the door closing behind her he lets out a deep breath and rubs a palm over his jaw, trying to ignore the slight tremble in his fingers.

 

~*~

 

Rick barely lets Judith out of his sight those first few days.

He watches her with this careful expression of awe, like he’s not quite sure she’s there, like he’s not quite sure she’ll still be there if he looks away and he has to constantly keep her tucked close, smoothing his hand over her downy hair, pressing kisses to her forehead, letting each one of her smiles stitch over that jagged break that had split open in his heart when he stumbled away from the prison without her.

It’s late and he hasn’t slept in days but Judy is all wide eyes and happy baby noises, the result of a lack of any kind of ordered sleep schedule. Rick sits back against the wall in a corner away from where everyone else is sleeping, legs stretched out in front of him and Judith resting against his chest and seeming content to play with the plastic Winnie-the-Pooh Tyreese found for her. Every once in awhile it will fumble out of her grasp and Rick will reach for it and set it back in her hands before she can yell too loud in dismay.

He feels hazy and heavy and disoriented with exhaustion so he tilts his head back and lets his eyes drift closed, but when his arms start to go slack around Judith he jerks back awake, inhaling deeply and blinking his eyes open wide.

And then suddenly Beth is there, crouching down in front of him.

“Rick?” she says quietly, in the same soothing voice he’s heard her use when Judith gets fussy. “Let me take her for a bit so you can get some sleep. Daryl’s on watch. It’s okay.”

She smiles at him encouragingly through the darkness and though his arms tighten reflexively at first he nods. It doesn’t do anyone, especially his daughter, any good if he’s dead on his feet in the morning.

Beth leans close and hefts Judith up onto her lap with a small groan of effort.

“You’ve gotten so big, Judy. I bet you’ll be walking in no time”

Rick allows himself a wistful smile as he unbuckles his holster and sets it within reach and then scoots far enough away from the wall so he can lie on his back with one arm folded behind his head. He assumes that Beth will get up to go to her own blanket but she stays there, taking up his position against the wall next to him.

“We’ll be here when you wake up,” she murmurs. She starts singing softly under her breath to quiet Judith and Rick lets the sound of her voice wash over him as he closes his eyes. He can’t make out the tune but it’s familiar and carries with it the memory of the clanking roll of cell doors, the smell of fresh turned dirt and grass and sweat on his skin, the sizzle and smoke of the grill after a good day of hunting.

“I missed this,” he hums out low enough he’s not even sure she heard him, but a moment later her hand slides over his shoulder and squeezes gently.

 

~*~

 

It’s nearing two the next night when Daryl makes his way slowly around the perimeter of the warehouse. The dark of the night is heavy and solid around him, but he moves with a cat-like intuition garnered by a lifetime of traipsing through the woods alone. He hears a creaking noise from the other side of the building and pauses and listens until he assures himself that it’s just Glenn coming outside to take over watch.

Everything else remains calm and still and Daryl continues creeping his way around finishing his check until Glenn materializes in front of him through the darkness, yawning as he slings the strap of his rifle over his head and adjusts it so it rests comfortably against his back.

Daryl eyes him warily. “You good?”

Glenn nods. “Maggie’s getting up in an hour to keep me company.” When Daryl casts an uneasy glance over his shoulder Glenn sighs and tilts his head toward the door. “I’m fine, Daryl. You can’t stay on watch all the time.” And then he grins. “Besides, you’re kind of an asshole when you don’t sleep.”

Daryl snorts. “I’m always an asshole.” He claps his hand over Glenn’s shoulder as he walks by him and eases the door open to slip back inside and up the stairs where everyone is sleeping huddled in clusters around the second floor. He skirts around Abe and Rosita’s sleeping forms towards the corner where he had left his pack earlier, but as he nears it he sees that the pack is gone.

His eyes narrow at the empty spot on the floor, confused for a few seconds before his gaze slides over to where he knows Beth is sleeping, curled protectively around Judith. He huffs out a laugh. His pack is lying next to her, his poncho spread out in front of it in invitation and Daryl feels an embarrassed and yet pleased heat low in his stomach.

On Beth’s other side Rick is asleep on his back, one of his arms slung over his eyes, the other stretched toward the girls. Daryl inches toward them, careful not to step on anyone, and lowers himself quietly down to the poncho. He stretches out, using his pack as a pillow. Beth stirs slightly at the sound he makes as he settles and Daryl reaches out and rights the blanket covering her, tugging it up over her shoulders and brushing his hand down her back as he pulls away.

 

~*~

 

“Thirteen to three. So that settles it. We’re going to Washington.”

Abe slaps his thighs and stands up from his spot next to Rosita. “Finally. I was starting to think you people didn’t know how to make a decision. We’ll leave at sun up.” He heads towards the table on the other side of the room where there’s a pile of maps spread about, leaving everyone to glance around at each other in uncertain silence.

It’s late in the afternoon and the setting sunlight pours in through the broken and grimy windows at the west side of the building, swathing the entire room where the group is gathered with a warm golden light. From her spot on the floor Beth watches the visible particles of dust swirling in a ray of light over Rick’s head as he crouches down in front of Sasha and Carol.

“Are you still with us?”

Carol meets his eyes steadily. “Of course.”

Sasha sighs and turns to Tyreese. He pleads with her silently until she concedes with a nod and Rick closes his eyes and hangs his head in relief. His face looks worn with dark circles under his eyes and the crease in his brow furrowed and Beth wonders how much he’s still not sleeping despite the soft snores that wake her up sometimes in the middle of the night.

Everyone starts to disperse to take watch or begin packing their meager supplies and Rick stops next to Beth and brushes his fingers over her shoulder. She smiles up at him and then down at the blanket next to her where Judith is curled up sound asleep. “I’ve got her.” She pats his hand and he gives her a nod before making his way over to talk to Abe at the table.

Beth’s eyes trace his movement and then slide over to Daryl where he’s leaning back against the wall. She knows without asking that he has his concerns about Washington even though he voted to go and had been quiet throughout the meeting. She can see it in the tension of his shoulders, the twitch in his jaw everytime Abe talks about his mission.

His gaze meets hers and they watch each other, some invisible thread knotting them together even from across the room and Beth feels it with a swirling flutter low in her stomach, knows he does too when she sees the pink flush in his cheeks before he kicks away from the wall and follows after Rick. She blows out a breath and hugs her legs to her chest and rests her cheek on her knee, watching the steady rise and fall of Judith’s back with each breath she takes.

A few minutes later Maggie drops down in front of her.

“She’s a good sleeper.”

Beth doesn’t look up, just smiles and smoothes the backs of her fingers over the soft hair at the nape of Judy’s neck. “I think she got used to all the noise at the prison.”

“She’ll be okay. Going to Washington?”

Beth nods slowly. “As long as she has food. A warm place to sleep. Someone to hold her when she cries. She’s tough. She’ll be okay.”

Maggie watches her for a moment before reaching out and curling one of her hands over Beth’s, squeezing until Beth looks up and meets her watery gaze. “I missed you.”

“Maggie,” Beth murmurs, turning her hand and twining their fingers together.

“I knew Daddy was gone.” Maggie pauses at Beth’s quick inhale of breath. “I couldn’t stand thinkin’ that you were too.”

Beth closes her eyes, all the hurt she works so hard to keep tamped down rising up like a pillar of stone in her chest, making it hard to breathe. She swallows hard and tightens her hold on her sister. Maggie scoots closer, leaning their temples together.

“I’m here now,” Beth manages, a tremble in her voice as she lets go of Maggie’s hand and curls an arm around her back. All around them the rest of the group continues about their business, Carl and Michonne’s laughter mingling with the serious tones from the group poring over the maps and the metallic chk-chk of Rosita and Carol checking their firearms.

When Beth pulls back slightly she wipes her fingertips under her eyes and shrugs.

“You did promise me you would take me on a road trip some day.”

“I did?”

Beth nodded. “Right before you left for college. You and Daddy had just had a fight and you were hidin’ in my room so he couldn’t yell at you anymore. You said we should just leave then, pack our bags and get in your car, drive in whatever direction felt right and see where we ended up in the morning.”

“And you very calmly reminded me that Dad would kill us if we missed church in the morning.” Maggie lets out a watery laugh. “I remember.”

“But you said one day we’d do it. Get in the car and drive wherever we wanted. Eat fast food for every meal and stay up watchin’ TV all night in our motel room.” Beth grins. “I thought about it a lot while you were gone. I’d look up maps online to figure out how long it would take to get to Nashville, or Boston, or New York.”

Maggie smiles and takes her hand again. “Sorry it won’t be what you were expecting.”

A string of different reassuring responses flutter at the tip of Beth’s tongue, but instead she lets out a long soft breath and leans her head on Maggie’s shoulder, squeezes her hand tighter until Maggie nods against her like she understands.

 

~*~

 

Beth wakes with a gasp, her hands flailing out and clutching at thin air, her heart banging erratically against her rib cage. She looks around frantically through the darkness, trying to steady herself and make sense of her surroundings. A silvery moonlight shines in through the windows, casting the room in shadow, and the only noise she hears is the faint discordant chirping and croaking of crickets and frogs from outside.

The spot next to her is empty and she knows Daryl’s on watch, knows how vigilantly he stays on guard, but the darkness presses in on her, unknown and heavy and she can’t help the tears that spring up at the corners of her eyes as her pulse continues to race, thumping loud in her ears.

“You okay?”

She startles and turns toward where Rick is lying on her other side, then hums out a yes and lies back, pulling her blanket up to her chin.

“Walkers?”

Beth lets out a soft, unamused laugh. “There are always walkers. Even in the good dreams.”

“Yeah,” he breathes out and she turns to look at him, studying the outline of his profile. Between them Judy is sprawled peacefully on her tummy, her hand fisted next to her mouth.

“I was always scared of the dark,” Beth says after a moment. “Slept with a nightlight in my room until… It’s silly.”

“It’s not.” His reply is automatic and Beth sighs and stares up at the maze of pipes snaking along the rafters in the ceiling. “I used to be scared of monkeys,” he adds.

Beth lets out a quiet surprised laugh, covering her mouth with her fingertips as she turns her head toward him again. “Monkeys.”

“I know.” He grins. “The Wizard of Oz really fucked me up.”

Her mouth curves into a slow smile. “So just flying monkeys?”

“I. Actually thought all monkeys could fly.”

“How old were you when--”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Beth giggles, her whole body shaking with the effort to be quiet. “Sorry.”

She can feel his eyes on her, warm and speculative. “Go ahead,” he murmurs as he shifts up on to his elbow and reaches back into his pack. After a few moments of rustling noise she feels his fingers curling around her elbow. “Here.” He presses something into her hand and it takes a second for Beth to realize what it is.

A flashlight.

“In case you need some light.”

It’s a moment before she can speak. “Thank you. Sorry if I woke you.”

“Hmm. Probably just kept me from my own bad dreams.”

They fall silent then even though Beth can tell he’s still awake too for awhile in the way that he shifts around restlessly. Her body doesn’t feel quite so taut with nerves, but she keeps the flashlight clutched close to her chest like a security blanket, eventually drifting into a light dreamless sleep until Abe wakes them all at dawn to get on the road.

 

~*~

 

“If anything goes wrong, you run. Don’t look back.”

Rick’s words, harsh and matter-of-fact, echo in Beth’s ears as she watches him join the rest of the group in formation. She shifts Judith on her hip and peers further around the tangle of foliage where she’s hidden with Tyreese and Eugene about fifty yards off the highway. There’s a jam up of abandoned vehicles spread out along the road and from Beth’s vantage point she can see two female walkers ambling down the center of the road and another in the driver’s seat of a beat up pickup truck, straining ineffectively against a seatbelt. As she watches one of the walkers goes down with an arrow shot straight through its head.

Daryl had estimated about thirty in the small herd and normally they’d avoid a group that size but some of the cars appear to be in good condition and with the trek to Washington looming in front of them every vehicle they can find is worth the risk.

The garbled growls start to get louder and more excited as the walkers spot new potential food. Beth can hear Abe yelling out quick instructions to the group as they split off in two directions, moving fluidly. They all disappear from sight behind a big wheeler and then it’s just sounds - Rick shouting Daryl’s name, the thunk of metal as someone or something lands on the hood of a car, the squelch of gore and brains that has become all too familiar.

Beth tightens her hold on Judith who whimpers and squirms against her.

“It’s okay,” she murmurs.

Tyreese looks down at them, his eyes wide and concerned and Beth nods and turns around so he can pull the bottle she has ready out of her backpack. She continues making shushing noises, bouncing Judith gently, but when she holds up the bottle with a smile Judy bats it away. The noises from the highway grow louder and Beth’s chest clenches.

“She needs--”

“No.” Beth holds up her hand to stop Eugene short. He’s been a bottomless well of unsolicited baby care facts despite the fact that he’s in all likelihood never actually held a baby and it’s taken all of her energy not to tell him off every time he opens his mouth.

He blinks at her, looking unperturbed and like he wants to say more but Tyreese puts his hand on his shoulder and steers him around to face the other direction. “Why don’t you keep watch to the south. I’ll take the north.”

Beth smiles gratefully at Ty even as a vice grip of tension squeezes at her skull. She takes a deep breath and focuses on the crying girl in her arms.

“Okay, Judy girl. We gotta calm down now.”

She turns around away from the road, sitting cross-legged with Judy resting against her shoulder. Out in front of them is a deep stretch of trees where a wide overgrown dirt path winds its way under the canopy of vibrantly green leaves. The air is warm and sticky with humidity, and the faint smell of jasmine and earth stirs up a whirlpool of vivid memories - the wind against her face as she rides at a full gallop across the farm, traipsing lazily through the woods in mud-caked boots, picnics of cold fried chicken and iced tea beside the duck pond with her mom.

There’s a twinge of hurt in her gut, but Beth presses her cheek to the crown of Judith’s head and starts humming softly, searching for a tune, and then singing under her breath. _“You belong among the wildflowers...”_

A part of her twitches to turn back around, to focus on her surroundings, to be alert with her hand on her gun, ready to fight. But she presses it down, trusts Tyreese to have her back, and stays focused on breathing deeply, on the song, on the warmth of the summer sun dappling their skin. Judith slowly calms in her arms, snuggling in with her eyes closed and a fistful of Beth’s ponytail caught in her hand.

_“You belong among the wildflowers, you belong somewhere close to me…”_

 

~*~

 

After the herd is cleared without any casualties the group sets up camp and takes turns trekking down to a nearby creek to clean up while Rick and Michonne take one of the cars out to search for extra gas and gas cans.

Daryl goes on a quick and successful squirrel hunt, leaves his catch with Carol and Bob to cook and goes to splash some water on his face. He knows there’s work to be done but his body is sore and weary from the morning so he takes the rare opportunity for some quiet and lays on his back in the grass, his hands folded behind his head and the sun hot on his face. There’s a scattering of fluffy white clouds overhead and he tracks their movement, the slow way they morph and melt into different shapes as they float lazily across the sky. After a while in the distance he hears the rumble of a car engine and tires crunching over the dirt road coming to stop about a hundred yards away where the group has set up camp.

Directly above him there’s a cloud shaped like a dog, large ears flapping as it bounds through the sky, and he watches it until the soft rustle of grass being disturbed by a long stride and a heavy boot tread alerts him that someone is nearby.

Daryl closes his eyes. “Run go okay?”

“Guess I don’t have to be worried about walkers sneaking up on you out here then,” Rick says, laughter in his voice. “Here, found these for you.”

Something lands on his stomach and Daryl curls in on himself instinctively and lifts his head. It’s an unopened pack of cigarettes. He smirks and pushes himself up to sit cross-legged and slip the lighter out of his pocket.

“You found ‘em cause you want one.”

Rick presses his lips together to keep from smiling and shakes his head, looking out toward the tree line. “I don’t smoke.”

Daryl snorts. “Yeah.” He hits the pack against his palm and then pulls out one cigarette and puts it between his lips to light it. He takes a long deep drag and exhales smoothly, letting the smoke roll out over his tongue. Rick is still standing next to him, his hand resting over the butt of his gun as he continues scanning the horizon.

“You waitin’ for an invitation?”

Daryl takes another pull and holds the cigarette up between his thumb and middle fingers. Rick watches him for a moment in a show of reluctance, before easing down to the ground and taking the cigarette. He taps his thumb against the end to flick off the ash and slides it between his lips, inhaling and then coughing when the harsh stale taste hits the back of his throat.

He pulls it away with a grimace. “Shit. Are they all this bad now?”

“I’ve had a lot worse.” Daryl leans his elbow against his thigh, and rests his chin in the palm of his hand, watching as Rick glares at the cigarette between his fingers and then takes another quick drag before passing it back.

“Run went fine. Found a couple five gallon cans. We can syphon as much gas as possible into three of the cars. Need you to take a look and see which ones are running the best. Don’t want to get twenty miles out and have one of ‘em break down on us.”

Daryl nods, watching the smoke curling up from the end of the cigarette. “Be nice if I could find a new bike,” he says after a long pause. He can feel Rick’s eyes on him and knows without looking the expression he’d find there. The muscles in his shoulders tense.

“Sorry about Merle’s. Know it meant a lot to you.”

“Hmm.” Daryl shrugs and gives a little twitching shake of his head. “Ain’t the worst thing left behind.”

Rick nods and lets out a slow weary sigh. Daryl bumps his arm with the back of his hand to pass the cigarette back.

“The bike doesn’t make any goddamn sense anyway. Too loud. Don’t know why I kept it so long.”

“Wondered the same thing myself a time or two,” Rick says over a puff of smoke. His eyes glaze over a bit as he thinks and his smile fades. “Shane had this piece of shit Chevy Citation in high school that used to break down at least once a week. The muffler was shot so you could hear it coming from a block away. Whenever we snuck out we had to take the brake off and push it all the way up the street before starting it.” He pauses with a faint smile. “He was so damn proud of it though. Had it spray painted this awful lime green color so it’d stand out in the parking lot.”

His voice is soft, woven through with the delicate threads of nostalgia. Daryl squints over at him, letting him talk, but Rick cuts himself off with a groan and rubs a hand over his face.

“This was a mistake.”

Daryl snorts, “Fuckin’ lightweight.”

A shadow falls over them and they both look up over their shoulders, squinting into the sun, to see Beth standing there, the halo of light around her making the wayward curls of her ponytail shine a translucent golden.

She raises an eyebrow at Rick. “You smoke?”

He looks down at the cigarette in his hand. “No?”

Daryl hangs his head low to hide his grin and Rick throws him an accusing glare and hands the cigarette back as Beth circles around and sits down in the grass in front of them, hugging her knees to her chest.

“I caught Carl smoking once at the prison. Back near the supply shed.”

“What? You never told me that.”

She shrugs, “I promised him I wouldn’t. ‘Sides I was pretty sure he was never going to do it again. Threw up right in front of me. He was green in the face the rest of the night. You sent him to bed early cause you thought he was getting sick.”

Rick shakes his head, letting out a raspy laugh. “Fuck. Where did he get it?”

Beth’s gaze flickers over to Daryl who rolls his eyes up at the sky. “That kid needs to stay out of my shit.”

“If it tasted anything like that one I’d say it’s a lesson learned.”

“Quit bitchin’. I’m not sharin’ anymore.” Daryl takes one last drag and flicks it into the grass.

“Daddy caught Maggie smokin’ in the hayloft with a bunch of her friends one time. He was so mad. Yellin’ about how she coulda burned the place down.” Beth lets out a dry laugh and looks away. “She was always gettin’ into trouble like that. Think she wanted to get caught.”

“And you were the perfect one, weren’t you?” Rick grins at her and she meets his eyes and smiles, her mouth turning up slowly until her eyes are all lit up with a gleaming smugness.

“Yup.”

“Pfffffft.”

Beth turns her eyes on Daryl. “What?”

“Hershel think you were at bible study when you were playin’ dumb drinking games?”

Her mouth drops open. “I told you I was just watchin’.”

“Sure.” Daryl shrugs and runs his finger back and forth over his lower lip, meeting her gaze as she studies him through narrowed eyes.

“So you think I was lyin’?”

“No. But just cause you never got caught don’t mean you weren’t makin’ trouble.” He raises his eyebrows at her and she shakes her head slowly.

“Maggie used to get so mad,” she murmurs finally and Daryl laughs, his shoulders shaking with it as he ducks his head. Beth smacks his knee with the back of her hand and glances over at Rick. He’s watching them, his eyes soft and crinkling at the corners with a thoughtful curiosity. “Sorry, was I interruptin’ your conversation?” Beth asks him sheepishly.

He shakes his head. “No. You need somethin?”

“No. Judy’s sleepin’ and I wanted some quiet so I thought I’d go for a walk.”

Daryl stretches out his legs on one side of Beth and lies back in the grass. “Hard to have quiet with so much talkin’.” He rests his clasped hands over his forehead.

“You two were okay this morning? With Ty?” Rick asks Beth.

She nods slowly, then laughs and waves her hand in front of her as if brushing something away. “We weren’t the ones fightin’ walkers.”

Rick’s brow furrows but Beth looks away, eyes trailing the length of Daryl’s body, then pivots around and lies back next to him, her head resting near his hip. She watches the sky for a while and then points up toward the west. “That one looks like a dragon.” Daryl hums an affirmative. On her other side Rick remains sitting, his arms braced behind him as he tilts his face up toward the sun.

 

~*~

 

The cars don’t immediately make for smoother travel the next day as many of the main roads and highways are still littered with the remains of the frantic rush for safety after the turn. Abe and Rick had plotted out a circuitous route around Atlanta to avoid any herds and it’s slow going with Daryl in the driver’s seat of the lead car remaining constantly vigilant he doesn’t drive into anything they can’t handle.

They make camp off the side of the road that night, circling the cars up for extra protection. After a meager dinner of squirrel and canned black beans Beth slips into the backseat of the Explorer, stretching out her legs and leaning back against the door with Judith lounged comfortably against her chest with a bottle.

It’s warm and quiet, the only sounds coming from the muted voices of those gathered around the campfire behind her and the smacking pop of Judith occasionally pulling the bottle out of her mouth. Out the opposite window, beyond the scattering of aspens, the sun has just set over the horizon and the sky is a dull purple of encroaching darkness, the first few stars of the night flickering feebly into position.

Judith’s hand pats rhythmically against Beth’s arm and Beth feels herself sinking into a sleepy haze of comfort, the slight cushion of the seat a luxury after weeks of sleeping on the ground or hard unforgiving concrete floor.

There’s a tap on the window and a moment later Rick is opening the door next to her feet and peering in. “You two okay in here?”

Beth nods. Judith’s eyes open back up wide and she drops the bottle, reaching out towards Rick with both arms and lunging herself out of Beth’s grasp to face plant into the blanket.

Rick winces. “Sorry.” He reaches in to scoop Judith up just as she starts to whimper in distress.

“It’s okay.” Beth leans over to grab the bottle where it’s rolled onto the floor. She holds it out to him with a grin and curls her knees up to make room. “But now it’s your turn.”

He nods with a matching grin as if to say that’s fair and maneuvers into the seat, closing the door behind him. Judith fits easily into the curve of his arm with the bottle again, her eyes blinking heavily almost as soon as she’s settled. She reaches up to curl and uncurl her fingers against his beard and Rick smooths his thumb over her forehead, sweeping her downy blonde hair to one side.

Beth leans her temple against the seat and watches them together with a faint smile.

“She eating enough?” Rick asks softly after a long moment.

“Hmm. I think so. For now. She’s definitely growing enough. Be nice if we could find some baby food again though.”

Rick nods, “How about you?” He looks up at her and Beth shrugs. She can’t even recall the last time she went to bed without hunger pangs.

“We’re okay though,” she continues when his cheeks hollow, jaw grinding in frustration. “It’s not like it was after the farm. We didn’t know what it was like to lose each other then. We’re stronger now.”

“We still have to eat.” Rick looks out the window over her shoulder where the rest of the group moves about the camp. He can see Daryl on the other side of the perimeter, perched on the hood of the Honda, his crossbow curled to his chest.

“You think it’s true?” Beth asks as she leans over with a burp cloth to clean off the bit of formula that’s dribbled down Judith’s chin. “You think Eugene has the answers?”

Rick turns his gaze back onto her, scrutinizing her carefully. “No, I don’t,” he says slowly. Beth nods and leaves the cloth draped over his arm. She wraps her arms around her legs and rests her chin on her knees.

“Me neither.”

Rick takes the now empty bottle out of Judith’s loosened grip. Her lips purse and smack together at the loss of something to suck on, but her eyes stay closed.

“Everyone feel this way?”

Beth shakes her head. “Haven’t talked about it with anyone else. But I think they’d be lyin’ if they said they didn’t.”

“They still voted to go.”

“So did you.”

Rick laughs softly and then falls quiet. When he speaks again his voice is distant. “We needed something. We couldn’t just go back to… We can’t keep going in circles. There has to be something different out there.” He looks down at Judith. “Keep thinking that I got to keep everyone alive, but it’s more than that. It’s got to be more than that.”

“You’re not doin’ this alone,” Beth says softly as she reaches over and slips her arms under his to take Judith back. She settles the little girl into the bed of folded blankets she’s arranged on the car floor next to her.

Rick scrubs his hand over his face and scratches at his beard as he watches Beth rearrange the blankets around his daughter, and then curl back up into the seat. Her feet press up against his thigh.

“I know,” he murmurs, squeezing her knee. “I know.”

 

~*~

 

Two days later a large herd overruns the camp they’ve set up for the night. They barely manage to escape without injury and have to double back and detour for miles through side streets and back roads until they feel secure enough to stop again. The church they find to hole up in for a few days while they plot a new route smells of mildew and dead animal carcass, there’s a gaping hole in one corner of the roof, and all the windows have been busted out, but it’s four walls and a surface to sleep on that isn’t the uneven rocky ground so they settle in gratefully, if a little subdued.

The afternoon after the attack Daryl settles on the front steps where he can hear bits of quiet conversation and Judith’s cranky whimpers but he mostly tunes it out and focuses on the woods around them for any unusual noises.

He had volunteered for watch without hesitation, needing to distance himself from Rick and Abe’s perpetual power struggle and the bad mood radiating off Beth like a heat lamp, but was unwilling to stray too far from the group to go hunting. His crossbow is propped up in easy reach and he works a damp rag over each of his bolts in turn to keep his hands busy. He squints down the line of one of the bolts and scowls at the slight splintering in the middle.

The door behind him swings open and slams shut again and then Beth drops down on the step next to him with a loud sigh. Daryl side-eyes her warily.

“She’s so infuriatin’ sometimes.”

He hums noncommittally and returns to the task at hand. Beth had been sullen and withdrawn since the night before, snapping at anyone who even tried talking to her and when Maggie had snapped back in exasperation earlier it had caused an argument between the two women that escalated to near shouting before Rick had finally stepped between them, calmly reminding them that there could be walkers nearby. Both Greene girls had turned their glares on him and then stomped off into their separate corners, leaving Rick looking a little terrified.

“Everything’s always got to be about her and what she wants and what she thinks is best and the rest of us…” Beth pauses, glaring out toward the surrounding woods and Daryl chances another look over at her, recognizing the determined set of her jaw. “It can’t be like that anymore. We can’t be selfish.”

Her voice is firm and controlled but when she turns back to him her eyes are glassy with unshed tears. Daryl swallows hard, rolling the bolt in his hand between his fingers.

“Still matters what you want, Beth. Has to.”

She shakes her head but doesn’t answer and Daryl narrows his eyes at her.

“What _do_ you want?”

Beth curls herself forward and wraps her arms around her legs. She stares hard at the ground.

“Yesterday. When all the walkers showed up? And Rick told Tyreese to run with Judith? I wanted to run with him.”

“Nothin' wrong with bein' scared,” Daryl shrugs.

“It wasn’t just fear. It was Judy. I know I can fight. I knew I could help protect us and get everyone out. But in that moment all I wanted to do was run. Wrap her up and run, away from everything.”

Daryl sets the last clean bolt down at his side and leans forward, resting his forearms on his thighs and twisting his hands together.

“We were okay. Got lucky.”

“Wasn’t luck. Was everyone workin’ together, fightin’ side by side. And I have to… It’s not like it was at the prison anymore. I can’t just take care of Judy and hide away in a cell with her. I don’t want to let anyone down.”

Her voice gets quiet at the end and Daryl clenches and unclenches his fists, unsure how someone with as much clarity and focus as Beth doesn’t see the the one thing that fills him with the most assurance.

“You aint lettin’ anyone down.” He stops when he hears the strain in his own voice and takes a deep breath through his nose. “We all fight. But we can’t all do what you do. We can’t all be soft. Even when we need to be.”

Her head jerks up toward him and Daryl finds himself caught in the dark intensity of her gaze. He rolls his lower lip between his teeth and shrugs one shoulder up, unsure of what to say. Beth lets out a shaky laugh.

“Daryl, you’re…” Her eyes are still watery, but bright now and Daryl feels it, what she wants and means to say to him and he’s not sure he can handle hearing the words when just being next to her is enough to light everything inside of him on fire.

Beth leaves her sentence unfinished and reaches up, brushing his hair away from his eyes, her fingertips tracing along his forehead. Daryl holds his breath. She searches his face, eyes trailing carefully over his features. When she pulls her hand back the fringe of hair falls back into place over his eyes and she huffs out a laugh and stands.

“Stay,” she orders and goes back into the church.

Daryl’s eyes follow her and stay on the door. He doesn’t dare move.

A few minutes later Beth comes back and nudges at his low back with the toe of her boot. “Scoot down a step.” She has a pair of scissors in her hand.

Daryl twists away from her. “What? You a'int cuttin’ my hair.”

“I know. Calm down.” She sounds exasperated, as if he should be able to follow along with whatever train of thought she’s currently riding. “I’m just gonna get it out of your face. Trust me. You’ll be able to line up your shot better when you can actually see it.”

Daryl’s face contorts in disgust. “I can see fine. A'int nothing wrong with my shot,” he growls.

“Yet. Scoot.”

His entire body feels tense with indignation but she’s looking at him levelly and he knows she’s not taking no for an answer. He slides down to the lower step, grumbling under his breath and Beth settles behind him, knees pressing into his side.

She puts the scissors down next to her along with a roll of leather cording and Daryl eyes it curiously until she turns him forward again, her hands on either side of his head.

“Stay still.”

Daryl manages to relax enough until he feels the pull of a comb through his hair. He winces and rolls his shoulders back, trying to brace against the intermittent pain.

“Don’t see why I’m bein’ punished if Maggie’s the one you’re mad at.”

“I’m not mad at her,” she sighs. “Not mad at anyone really. Just needed some time to think and there’s always someone around, clutterin’ everything up.”

Daryl snorts in agreement.

Beth is quiet for awhile, continuing to untangle his hair. She yanks the comb harder against a particularly snarled knot and Daryl’s head jerks back. He curls his hands over his thighs and doesn’t say anything.

“You ever think about the future?” she asks suddenly.

“Think about what I’m eatin’ for dinner tonight. Where we’re sleepin’. If we’re safe.”

“I mean before. Like when you were little. What did you want to be when you grew up?”

Daryl shrugs.

“C’mon.” He can hear the smile in her voice. “There had to be something.”

When most of the snarls are brushed out Beth drops the comb, running her fingers through his hair to pull it back from his face, nails scratching gently over his scalp. Daryl closes his eyes and reaches into the front pocket of his jacket for his cigarettes.

“My dad had all these movies he’d taped from TV. Mostly Westerns, black and white, lot a John Wayne. Never even saw him take one off the shelf. But when he wasn’t around I liked to watch ‘em. Sittin’ on the couch all day, playin’ the same ones over and over til I knew all the lines.”

He places a cigarette between his lips and lights it, takes a deep long drag and exhales smoothly. “Kinda thought I wanted to be a cowboy.”

“I can see that.”

“Naw.”

“Did you have a cowboy hat?” Her voice is soft, playful, and Daryl’s face warms. He shrugs and grunts an affirmative.

Beth giggles. “So what happened?”

“Turns out I don’t like horses much.”

He can feel her shaking behind him, trying not to laugh too hard and Daryl scowls.

“A'int funny.”

Beth dips her forehead to press against his shoulder and takes a moment to compose herself. Daryl knocks his elbow back into her leg warningly but she only presses closer, caging him tight between her knees. When she sits up straight again she stays close.

“I thought I’d go to college, maybe be a teacher. I always liked helping out in the Sunday School classes at church, makin’ art projects with the kids. They’d call me Miss Beth and give me drawings of myself with bright yellow hair to take home. It was nice. That woulda been nice.”

Beth reaches around him then for his hand and tugs it up so he can circle his thumb and index finger around the hair she’s scooped up into a ponytail to hold it in place while she cuts a length of cording.

“I’d get married and have this whole bunch of babies. And we’d live close to my mom and dad in this pretty little house with lots of windows so it was sunny all the time inside. Flowers out in the front surroundin’ the porch. Kids running around all the time gettin’ into trouble.”

She pats Daryl’s wrist when she’s done and he drops his hand back into his lap, looking down at the dirty intersection of lines across his palms.

“Sometimes I miss the things that weren’t even real yet more’n anythin’ else, you know?”

Daryl’s chest constricts painfully. He can see her on that porch, belly swollen round with a baby, hair flowing over her shoulders, eyes bright and happy. “A'int never looked forward to anything enough to miss it.”

“Even now?”

“Pffffft. Thought you said we can’t be selfish.”

“Thought you said it still matters what we want.” Beth gets up then and moves around to stand in front of him, eyes tracing over his face. She’s pulled half his hair up and away from his forehead, leaving wispy stands at the bottom that brush against his shoulders.

Daryl can feel the warming blush crawling up his cheeks at the slow smile that curls at her lips, blossoming up into her eyes until she’s beaming at him. He ducks his head. “Gonna break Lil’ Asskicker’s heart. Nothin' to grab on to anymore.”

Beth laughs softly, a breathy exhale, and reaches up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind his ear. Daryl leans into her touch, brushing his nose along the inside of her arm and when he feels her nails scratch lightly against his jaw he tips his chin up and presses his mouth to her wrist. He closes his eyes and holds still and her hand spans out, curling around to grip the back of his neck. There’s an almost reassuring tremor in her touch and Daryl lets out a breath and reaches up to wrap his fingers around her wrist, keeping her pressed closer just a moment longer.

 

~*~

 

It’s a wet misty dawn when Rick comes shuffling back into the church from watch, yawning widely and rubbing at the back of his neck. He surveys the sanctuary where everyone is sleeping scattered across the floor and wooden pews and picks his way across the room, stopping briefly next to his children to lean down and smooth his hand over Judith’s head and make sure they’re both warm enough. Carl had insisted on taking his sister for the night to give Beth a break, and Rick guessed, to demonstrate that he could be a responsible adult.

Michonne is curled up next to them and she cracks an eye open, looking alert and at the ready as if she hadn’t just been sleeping, and Rick gives her a smile and a nod as he stands back up.

He finds Daryl near the altar, snoring lightly. The poncho covering him has bunched up toward his neck during the night and one arm is bent up, hugging it closer to his body like a comfort blanket, his hand in a loose fist by his mouth. His other arm is reached out toward Beth sleeping next to him on her side and their hands are curled together in the space between them.

Rick looks at the tangle of fingers, Daryl’s thick and rough against Beth’s pale and slender, the casual way they grasp each other in their sleep, and there’s a tightening in his chest that makes him tear his gaze away. He tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling to gather himself, then nudges Daryl’s shoulder.

Daryl wakes up immediately, blinking up at him and rasping out something unintelligible.

Rick nods. “We’re good. Probably gonna rain today.”

“Hmmm.” Daryl shuts his eyes again, his face scrunching up as if he’s physically trying to press out the cobwebs of sleep from his head. He squeezes Beth’s fingers lightly, his thumb sweeping back and forth over her knuckles, before letting go and sitting up. Beth stirs, sighing in her sleep and tucking her hand under her chin.

Both men watch her as she settles. Daryl looks up at Rick, something in his gaze that flashes between defiance and uncertainty, but Rick only smiles and tilts his head toward the entrance of the church.

“You takin’ watch now, or you need more beauty sleep?”

Daryl snorts, his face relaxing even as his ears are still tinged pink. “Keep yer panties on, Sunshine.” He stands up and rolls his neck to work out the kinks from sleeping on the ground and Rick pivots himself around on the balls of his feet and drops down into the spot Daryl just vacated, stretching out on his back. He scrubs his hand over his face with a muffled, exhausted groan.

Daryl huffs out a laugh and throws the poncho at him. "Get some sleep." He grabs his crossbow and with a final nod at Rick heads outside.

 

~*~

 

The summer rainstorm lasts two days and brings with it hail, lightning, and thunder that rattles the walls of the church and keeps Judith up all night crying in Rick’s or Beth’s arms. The hole in the roof lets in a steady stream of rainwater that makes everything in the vicinity feel perpetually damp and cold and by the time the skies have cleared and they’re getting back on the road they’re all thoroughly miserable and ready to leave.

Daryl takes the lead in their caravan, driving the Honda with Rick in the passenger seat and Beth, Judith, Michonne and Carl squeezed into the back. The new route they’ve plotted out is easy going and clear of walkers so they settle in for the drive with the windows rolled down, the breeze cool on their skin. They’re mostly quiet - Daryl with his arm propped up in the open window, fingers hooked over the roof of the car and tapping to an unsteady beat, Rick slouched into his seat looking through the Thomas Guide they had found in the glove compartment, Judith snoozing against Beth’s chest, her head lolled to one side, and Carl playfully trying to shove Michonne away as she reads comics over his shoulder.

Beth closes her eyes and leans her head back, the wind whipping softly against her face and ruffling her hair. She doesn’t fall asleep but she lets herself relax, floating in and out of the kinds of daydreams she rarely lets herself entertain. Flickers of moments really - a table laden with a homecooked meal, a pile of warm fluffy clean laundry, Daryl’s eyes soft and yet piercing as he reaches out for her, his hands sliding over her hips and pulling her close. She shivers and turns into the window as she feels her face going red.

“Hey look,” Carl’s voice breaks in as he points at the large blue sign up ahead on the side of the road that reads “Welcome to South Carolina” in cheerful white lettering. “We finally made it out of Georgia.”

The car slows as they near the sign and Beth looks up to find Daryl squinting at her in the rearview mirror. She smiles slowly at him and his mouth twitches in response.

In the passenger seat Rick scrubs his hand over his face and then leans forward, huffing out a breath and glaring hard at the dashboard. The muscle in his jaw twitches with tension. After a moment Daryl reaches over and slides his hand over his shoulder to his neck, curling his hand tight, fingertips pressing hard into the base of Rick’s skull.

Rick nods silently and reaches up to wrap his hand around Daryl’s wrist. “Leavin’ a lot behind.”

“Fuckin’ sucks,” Daryl murmurs in agreement.

Beth tears her eyes away, suddenly overwhelmed at the sense memory of her dad hugging her tight and calling her Bethy, his whiskers rasping against her cheeks. She looks down at Carl who had gone back to reading comics, unaware, and then up at Michonne who meets her gaze with a meaningful smile. Beth lets out a breath and smiles back. She picks up Judy, who had stirred awake when Carl spoke, and stands her feet on her thigh, faces her out the window. The border is behind them now and Daryl speeds back up so the land on either side of the highway whips by in a green blur.

“Look, Judy. South Carolina,” Beth whispers.

 

~*~

 

They’re quiet as they make their way through the woods with light, slow steps. Daryl keeps his eyes on the ground, following the trail of a cottontail where it weaves through the trees. He can feel Beth close behind, knows she’s watching for the same markings and anticipating his movements well enough that she’s always with him, barely a step off.

A slight rustle of leaves shakes a bush in front of them and Daryl stops and holds up his hand. He raises the crossbow, takes aim, and fires in one quick movement, hitting the rabbit dead on just as it hops out of the shrubbery. When Daryl looks back at Beth she gives him a wide smile, probably pleased to have meat other than squirrel for dinner. He reloads the crossbow and hands it back to her to hold as he goes and retrieves the rabbit.

As he walks back to her, adding the rabbit to the two squirrels already on his belt, she holds the crossbow up for him. He waves her off.

“Naw, it’s your turn.”

“What?” She snorts and shakes her head. “No. Daryl, people are depending on this. I’ve only shot it a couple times and the one time it mattered I missed.”

“Came pretty damn close even with your leg all twisted up. Go on.”

Daryl nods for her to go ahead of him and she frowns but squares her shoulders and continues along the path they were on. She’s slower, eyes darting back and forth searching for a trail, but she finds one eventually and throws a smirk at him over her shoulder.

“I’s the one that said you could do it, girl,” he scoffs, nudging her hip with the back of his hand to move her forward.

Fifty yards away they find the squirrel sitting unaware halfway up the tree trunk. Beth steadies the crossbow, takes a deep breath, and fires. The bolt hits half an inch to the side of the squirrel, startling it and sending it scurrying up into the cover of leaves. Daryl winces as he glances over at her but her eyes are glaring and determined. She shoves the crossbow back into his arms to reload and goes to get the bolt.

“It’s still my turn.”

“Yes ma’am.”

 

~*~

 

The gas runs out before they reach North Carolina. A few scouting runs into local neighborhoods yield mere gallons and too many run-ins with walkers, so they ditch the cars and continue on foot.

It’s an exhausting three days of walking later that they stumble upon a swimming hole tucked into the woods. The large pool of clear reedy water is lined with large towering maples and protected on one side by a sloping algae covered rock face. Overhead the sky is deep blue and cloudless but the thick cover of trees creates a dark cool shade over the water, still and serene save for the bubbling little ripples caused by fish darting around below the surface.

It doesn’t take much to convince even Abe to stop and make camp for the day and almost immediately after setting down their packs half the group is stripping off their clothes and diving into the cool inviting water.

Beth kneels in the water’s edge with Carol and Tara to scrub out their clothes with bars of soap while keeping one eye on Judith who she’s stripped down to only a diaper and settled on a blanket in the shade a few feet away with a plastic spatula to gum on and wave around in the air with contented gurgling noises. It’s been weeks since they’ve managed to do more than rinse their clothes in creek water and everything is grimed up in about five layers of dirt and blood and baby spit-up. There’s no way they’ll get any of it completely clean but after wearing down nearly half a bar of soap Beth manages to at least rid her jeans and Judith’s onesies and socks of most of the dirt.

She hangs everything to dry over the line of twine they’ve strung between two trees and then strips off her shirt, thankful that Abraham, Rosita and Eugene had taken watch with Rick around the perimeter. The new members of their group have been declared friends and she’ll forever be thankful for the way they saved Glenn, but she’s still not as comfortable with them as she is with the others from the prison.

Two years together and very little privacy have nearly obliterated any sense of modesty they would have had previously at the sight of each other in various states of undress and Beth doesn’t even flinch at the idea of standing there on the shore in her underwear.

She balls up the shirt and throws to the side to be used for kindling later - it’s in a sorrier state than the jeans and she has an extra clean one in her bag - and crouches down next to Judith, who has a steady stream of dirt streaked drool dripping down her chin.

“You need a bath, Judy,” she sighs and holds out her hand so the little girl can smack the spatula into her palm. The shade has shifted so they’re sitting partially in the warm sun now and Beth shields her eyes to look out across the water, quickly accounting for everyone and then letting her gaze slide down the shore where she knows Daryl is, facing away from her in the water and scrubbing the extra bar of soap she’d given him over his arms and chest.

She pauses and watches him. His arms are a deep brown tan after too many days sleeveless in the Georgian sun but the so rarely uncovered skin of his back is pale, reflecting white hot in the sun and accentuating the angry red criss-cross of scars there. His broad shoulders are set firm and Beth knows that despite the four people on guard around their perimeter he’s alert, aware of everything and everyone around them and she can’t see his face but she can imagine the grimace there every time an especially loud noise breaks from the rest of the group.

He uses the soap to lather up his hair, then ducks down into the water to rinse off quickly and when he stands back up he shakes his head, water droplets spraying around him and catching the glint of the sun. Beth tears her eyes away from him and hauls Judith up into her arms, leaving the spatula behind on the blanket. She grabs a bottle of baby wash and a washcloth from her bag and starts making her way along the water’s edge closer to where Daryl is standing. He’s looking up at her now, squinting into the sun through a fringe of damp hair and she thinks she sees his mouth turn up just slightly before he moves toward her.

They meet in the water where it’s still shallow and laps at their knees. “Can you help me with her?” Beth’s already shifting Judith into his arms before he can answer but he takes her easily, resting her back against his chest with an arm under her butt for support. Judith immediately grabs his free hand and shoves one of his knuckles in her mouth.

Beth winces. “Sorry. I know that hurts with her new tooth.”

Daryl shrugs as he moves back into deeper water. “Don’t mind.” But even as he says it his jaw clenches and he eases his finger out of Judith’s mouth and shakes his hand out at his side. Beth grins as she follows him.

Judith whines at the loss of something to chew on but Beth crouches low in front of her and smiles widely, tugging on her toes and ticking up the arches. “Bath time, Judy! It’s fun, see?” She splashes a little water over her legs and starts singing, “Splish splash I was takin’ a bath, long about a Saturday night.”

She pauses in the middle of the song when she hears Daryl mutter something under his breath, and looks up to see his face twisted up in disdain.

“I’m not singin’ it to you.” She rolls her eyes and flicks some water at his side. “Judy likes it. Don’t ya?”

Beth pours some of the baby wash over the washcloth and smoothes it over the little girl’s arms and chest, making faces at her and singing to keep her entertained and not too squirmy in Daryl’s arms. She’s running the washcloth in between her toes and making her laugh when there’s a shout from behind Daryl and he immediately presses a protective palm to Judith’s tummy and spins toward the noise.

It’s just Carl and Michonne messing around, but he does a quick visual check around the area just in case and as he’s turned away from her Beth’s eyes drop down the expanse of his bare torso to the scar on his side just above the curve of his waist. She can still see the faint pinprick markings where the stitches were and without really thinking she brushes her fingers over the discolored, puckered skin.

Daryl jerks away from her touch in surprise and she blushes, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

“Sorry.”

His narrowed eyes, looking almost confused, search her face but then he shrugs. “Aint my worst one.”

Beth tries to bite back a smile and fails. “I remember my dad telling me someone from Rick’s group got bucked off Nellie. Thought you must have been some kind of too-big-for-his-britches city slicker takin’ her out to that ravine.”

“City slicker. Christ.”

“Well I didn’t know you then, did I?” Beth giggles at the disgruntled noise he makes and reaches out to touch him again. He doesn’t flinch this time and Beth smoothes her thumb over the scar before dropping her hand away, fingertips just barely skimming the sharp jut of his hipbone above his boxers.

“One day when we were younger,” she starts as she returns to washing Judith. “Maggie and I were fightin, chasing each other all through the house. Yellin’ our heads off cause I had stolen one of her CD’s, or scratched one of her CD’s, somethin’. And she finally caught up with me in the kitchen, barreled right into me and pushed us both right through these pretty French doors we used to have separating the kitchen from the dining room. Hard enough to knock ‘em right off their hinges. There was glass everywhere, shattering all around us. I didn’t even feel anything though until Maggie started screamin’.”

She turns around, sweeping her ponytail over one shoulder to show him the thin white scar curving down from the nape of her neck. “Took thirty six stitches. I was so proud. Like it was some kind of badge of honor for being Maggie’s bratty little sister.”

When he touches her, two fingers trailing the length of the scar, Beth’s eyes flutter closed and her chin tips down toward her chest.

“You two fight a lot?” he asks quietly.

Beth’s laughing as she faces him again. “Yeah. We were both so stubborn. I think we liked makin’ each other mad. My dad use to say that we’d be grateful one day, that God gave us each a sister for a reason, knowing we’d probably need one.” She grins up at him and the corner of his mouth twitches up.

“I don’t think it works like that,” she murmurs, feeling her face heat up under the warmth of his half smile. “But it’s still nice.”

Daryl snorts. “Yer lucky. Merle weren’t ever anybody’s gift.”

“He was,” Beth answers immediately, matter-of-factly. “He saved us.”

She looks at him steadily and he shifts uncomfortably, looking down and then away. The tips of his ears have gone slightly pink and Beth has to tamp down the urge to throw her arms around him, to envelop him physically in the wave of fondness that sweeps over her. She shivers and directs her focus back to the little girl in his arms.

“Judy, you’re all clean. Doesn’t that feel good?”

Judith lets out a tiny shriek and kicks her legs, almost lurching out of Daryl’s arms and into the water before he steadies her with a hand on her chest. Beth’s about to take her and head back up to their blanket, but Daryl tucks Judith closer into the crook of his arm and holds out the bar of soap he had been using earlier.

“Your turn?”

Beth nods gratefully and trades him for the bottle of baby wash. She slips past him deeper into the water and uses the washcloth to scrub over her arms and chest, taking a moment to enjoy the satisfaction at wiping away the layers of dirt and grime that make her skin feel perpetually sticky. She kicks up one leg at a time, cleaning down to her ankles, and then washes her face and throws the washcloth over her shoulder.

She carefully slides the ponytail holder out of her hair, wincing as it catches on a few knots and tugs painfully at her scalp. When it’s free she combs her fingers through the tangled tresses, groaning at the dull ache at having had it up and unwashed for so long. She sinks into the water to duck her head back and wet her hair, and then lathers it up with the soap. As she massages at her scalp she watches Daryl with Judith.

He’s holding her out facing him, his hands secure around her tiny torso, and bobbing her up and down in the water as she shrieks and makes tiny splashes with flailing fists at her sides. There’s a soft smile on Daryl’s face and when he looks up to find Beth’s gaze on them he drifts closer.

Beth reaches out a soapy hand to smooth the backs of her fingers over Judith’s arm in a quick caress, trying to swallow back the sudden swell of emotion that makes her breathless, makes her fingers and arms and chest and everything inside her itch for how entirely she loves this little person. For how just the simplicity of Judy being Judy and existing in this world is enough to split her open with joy.

Tears start to prickle at the corners of her eyes and she turns away, slipping under the water and submerging herself completely so that her hair fans out all around her. She pulls her knees up to her chest and squeezes her eyes shut and purses her lips with her cheeks puffed out to hold in her breath. There’s a whirring in her ears, an echoing rush, and every ripple in the water, every air bubble is amplified and presses in on her like a comforting weight.

She counts to ten slowly before breaking back above the surface of the water, gasping for air and pushing her hair back from her forehead.

“Thought we’re gonna have to go divin’ in there after you.”

Beth spins back toward him, keeping the water level with her shoulders so only her head bobs out of the water. Daryl squints at her over Judith’s head and she shrugs a little sheepishly in response. He watches her for another beat before casting his eyes toward the rest of their family. When he doesn’t say anything further Beth leans her head back to rinse the rest of the soap out of her hair.

She’s got her face tilted up toward the sky, her eyes closed against the brightness when she hears his voice again.

“There are worse things in this world than someone havin’ too many people carin’ about ‘em,” he mutters softly.

Beth looks up, blinking away the dark spots in her vision from the sun. He’s still not looking at her but Beth lets a smile bloom across her face, bright enough that it ignites a spark in her chest and she laughs for lack of any better way to express the emotions that seem to be coursing their way through her very bloodstream.

She shakes her head and lets out a deep steadying breath. “We should probably get her out of the water--”

But before she can finish her thought a wave of water sweeps over her and knocks her sideways. She spins around in time to see Glenn laughing and kicking backwards away from her.

“You--” she yelps and lunges for him.

“It was Maggie’s idea!” he calls out as he tries to swim away.

“It was not!”

Beth’s laughing as she manages to catch up with him and splash a wave of water into his face even when he tries to duck behind Maggie for cover. Glenn splutters and holds up his hands ineffectively as both women splash him. He tries to fight back but then Michonne joins in with a gleeful gleam in her eyes and he has to duck under the water and swim further out of their reach.

“Women,” he mutters to a grinning Carl.

Beth looks back over her shoulder to see that Daryl has taken Judith back to shore. He’s wrapping her in a clean towel as Rick emerges from the tree line and even from this distance Beth can see the way Rick’s face lights up at the sight of his daughter, his arms reaching out for her instinctively.

There’s a smile on Beth’s face as she kicks her legs out in front of her and stretches out, letting her body float lazily over the water, nothing but an endless expanse of deep blue sky overhead.

 

~*~

 

Bob is killed three days later.

It happens without warning. He’s on early morning watch when everyone else is just starting to stir and the walker comes up behind him, catching him off guard and taking a chunk out of his neck before he can even scream. He bleeds out in minutes, Sasha holding his hand and the rest of the group hovered close.

They bury him there and mark the grave with one large stone and a bouquet of bright yellow wildflowers. After Maggie says a few words, her hand gripping tight to Glenn’s, they slowly start to pack up camp, shoulder their bags, and set off down the road.

 

~*~

 

The shortening days and the vibrant blush of reds and yellows and oranges painting the trees signal the start of fall and with it comes a sudden change in the weather, a crispness in the air that has them layering on sweaters and jackets in the early mornings and huddling under their meager supply of blankets at night.

Daryl wakes up one night to a warm pressure along his arm and he jerks away instinctively, curling in on himself and lifting his head to find Beth nestled close into his side. Her arms are tucked under her chin and she has her knit cap pulled low over her ears and forehead to ward off the chill. Daryl props himself up on his elbows and tugs the fleece blanket Beth’s wrapped in up higher over her shoulders. She doesn’t stir at his movement. On her other side Rick is curled close under his own blanket with Judith, the three of them like mismatching spoons in a drawer against him.

The rest of the camp is still and quiet save for the occasional rustle of fabric or crunch of leaves as Maggie and Glenn patrol the perimeter. Daryl turns into Beth and brushes the backs of his fingers along her jaw. Her cheek is cold and when she shivers at his touch he feels a sudden blinding anger that makes him suck in a hiss of breath. He slips his arm out from between them, wrapping it around her and roughly gathering her close under his poncho.

Beth blinks slowly. “Daryl?”

“It’s okay,” he grumbles and she nods and moves against him until she’s comfortable. She fits her head against his chest and tucks an arm around him, falling back to sleep almost immediately. Daryl runs his hand over her arm and back in soothing circles, glaring hard at the sky. After a few minutes he hears Rick shuffling closer to their warmth, his forehead nudged up against Daryl’s tricep.

 

~*~

 

Rick leaves Michonne waiting for him at the edge of camp and goes back to where Beth and Daryl are still curled up asleep. He can hear a few murmured whispers as people start to wake up, but despite the late hour of the morning most everyone is still snuggled up under their blankets to ward off the cold and Rick isn’t about to begrudge them a morning of laziness. He had woken up only a few minutes earlier with this face nuzzled between Beth’s shoulder blades, his hand on Daryl’s arm where it was draped over her waist, and Judith tucked into the warm space between them and it had been a struggle not to sink deeper into all that collective body heat and drift back to sleep.

It should have been strange, but the four of them tangled up so intimately, keeping each other warm and safe, had filled Rick with fierce assurance that made his chest ache as he slipped away from their warmth.

He shifts Judith in his arm and crouches down to press his hand over the foot of Beth’s boot where it peeks out from under her blanket.

“Beth?” he whispers. She doesn’t respond but Daryl wakes up with a quick inhale of breath, flailing his arm out to the side and blinking rapidly.

“S’what? We okay?.” His entire body jerks with a shiver and Beth stirs, shifting in a slow stretch and burrowing in closer. Daryl tightens his hold around her and presses his thumb to the inside corner of his eye to wipe away the sleep as he squints up at Rick.

“We’re fine. I was hopin’ Beth could take Judith. Gonna walk the perimeter with Michonne.”

Beth moves again, turning over onto her back slowly, her eyes still closed. “I can take her,” she mumbles, her voice thick with sleep.

Rick watches her in concern when she doesn’t move again for a moment. “You doin’ okay, sweetheart?”

“Hmm. Tired.” She finally gets her eyes open and scoots back a little to prop her head up against Daryl’s pack. Rick leans over her to pass Judith into her arms and Beth settles the sleeping girl into the warm space between her and Daryl under the blankets. When she’s situated she closes her eyes again. Her hand rests lightly over Judith’s head, her fingertips twitching in a halfhearted soothing gesture.

Daryl watches her, his jaw clenched tight, and then sits up, leaning his forearms on his knees. “We gotta stick around here today, man. I’m goin’ huntin. Find some bigger game. Been too long since anyone’s had a decent meal.”

Rick nods. “Yeah,” he drawls out slowly. “I’ve been thinkin’.” He pauses and looks around, lowers his voice. “We should have a group go down to the creek first to gather up some water. Glenn, Sasha, Michonne.”

He meets Daryl’s eyes steadily until Daryl nods in understanding. “Y’ got it.”

“And Beth.” Rick taps her leg. “You should come too.”

 

~*~

 

Beth kneels down at the edge of the creek to splash some water on her face, the icy chill sending a shiver through her body that leaves goosebumps up and down her arms. It helps to wake her up a little; her mind’s been swimming through a slog since she woke up, the stale crackers Daryl had shoved at her earlier doing little to curb the hunger pangs that seem to permeate all the way up from her stomach to her brain.

She wipes the water off her face and stands up to join the rest of the group, bumping her arm against Daryl’s and giving him a reassuring smile.

“I know we voted, decided as a group to go to Washington. And if that’s what we all still want then I respect that.” Rick looks around the circle, meeting everyone’s eyes. “But the past few days have been rough on all of us and I’m wonderin’ if anyone’s changed their minds.”

No one says anything at first until Sasha folds her arms over her chest and looks up. She’s been quiet ever since Bob’s death, really talking only to Maggie or Tyreese, going about whatever needs getting done with a determined set to her jaw.

“You know how I feel. That hasn’t changed.”

Glenn shakes his head. “I don’t know. What else would we do? There are no guarantees that we’d even find a place. We didn’t last winter.”

“There are no guarantees in Washington either,” Beth offers.

“So you think we should stop,” Rick asks.

“I think.” Beth hesitates as she considers. “It’s been harder than we thought it’d be. And we may not make it to Washington before winter.”

“If we make it at all.”

Rick looks over at Michonne sharply.

She gives him a knowing smile and a small shake of her head. “It’s nothing you weren’t already thinking. It’s why you called this meeting. Nothing’s ever going to be completely safe. Not anymore. But out here, exposed without vehicles, barely any food? It’s asking for trouble.”

“And we got Lil Asskicker to think about,” Daryl says softly.

“It’s more than just shelter and food.” Beth meets Rick’s eyes. “She needs a place to grow.”

Rick nods, huffing out a deep breath through his nose.

“None of that changes the fact that we still don’t have anywhere to go,” Glenn cuts in, his voice tight.

“Been thinkin’ about it. There’s some small farms nearby I saw on the map. Michonne and I can go back to that car we saw a couple miles back, take it out there and scout it out today. See if there’s anything still standing. Something we can fortify, make safe.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen any large herds. Might be they’ve migrated out of the area. Be good for huntin’ too,” Daryl adds.

Glenn shakes his head. “It doesn’t feel right. Letting them go after everything. After Terminus. I wouldn’t even be here without them.”

The steady burble of the creek seems to grow louder as they all fall silent, meeting each other’s eyes, faltering and unsure how to respond.

“Can’t be about that,” Daryl says finally with a shake of his head. “It’s Abe’s choice. Rosita’s. Eugene’s. Anyone else who wants to go with ‘em to save the world. All I care ‘bout is makin’ sure my family’s safe.”

Glenn watches him steady and Daryl’s face twitches, eyes narrowing, but he doesn’t look away.

“They can stay with us,” Rick adds softly. “They can be family too. And if we don’t find anything here we’ll move on with ‘em. Keep lookin’.”

Beth curls her hand around Glenn’s elbow and squeezes. When he glances over at her she gives him a small smile. “Abe had kids. He had a family. He’ll understand.”

Glenn closes his eyes and nods slowly. “Alright. But we vote as a group. We voted to go. We should vote to stay.” His tone doesn’t leave any room for argument and Rick considers, looking around the circle to see if anyone has any arguments.

“Okay. We vote.”

 

~*~

 

When Rick comes back from the run with a smile twitching at his lips, his eyes all lit up with discovery, Beth knows that their trip to Washington has come to an end and she feels a profound sense of relief as she snuggles Judith close that night.

The outcome of the vote is a foregone conclusion and Abe’s face goes red with fury before Rick even has a chance to count the hands that have gone up in favor of moving to the farm. He storms out of camp muttering obscenities and disappears into the woods for over an hour. When he returns he’s calmer but his eyes are red and there’s an invisible weight on his shoulders.

They part ways the next day and the mood is somber as they say their goodbyes. Eugene looks pale and he’s quieter than any of them have ever seen him as he gets in the backseat of the car Rick and Michonne had brought back to camp. Rosita looks sad as she hugs Tara hard, asking her again if she’s sure she doesn’t want to go. Tara looks around, catches Glenn’s eye and shakes her head.

“If anything goes wrong, come and find us,” Rick tells Abe as he shows him on the map where the farm is located.

“Same goes for you.”

They shake hands and Abe pauses, looking to Judith perched on Rick’s hip, her hand curled into the collar of his jacket. He reaches up and gently cups his palm over her head, smiling when she babbles something intelligible at him, and then turns to get in the car without another word.

 

~*~

 

The farm is tucked into a valley of rolling hills that are blanketed in a thick growth of trees with fiery red and golden autumn leaves. Knee-length grass peppered with bright yellow dandelions grows wildly all along the property around the house and barn and waves gently in the soft breeze. The two story red roofed house is simple, flanked on each side by tall brick chimney, with horizontal siding painted a white that has gone dingy with lack of care, and steps leading up to the raised porch running along the front of the house. A large elm tree nearly eclipses one corner of the roof with its leafy branches and overgrown weeds and vines tangle around the porch railing and snake up the side of the house.

It’s nearing sunset when they get there after a long weary day of walking. They’ve all been quiet since watching the car carrying Abe, Rosita and Eugene disappear into the horizon, but when they turn the bend in the road and the house comes into view it’s a welcome and comforting sight.

Rick and Michonne had checked the house the day before and found it untouched by walkers but they make another sweep in formation just to be safe. When she finally gets inside after the all clear Beth stands still in the entryway and sweeps her eyes around the space. Directly ahead is a hallway leading to a small bedroom and the staircase to the second floor, large framed prints of mountain vistas lining the wall all the way up. To her left is a sitting area where she drops her pack. There’s a large overstuffed sofa facing the fireplace, a loveseat under the window, and a recliner in the corner next to a tall lamp. The mantle is lined with framed photographs, but she turns away without looking at the faces smiling out of them.

To the right of the front door is a dining room with a china cabinet and a long table that is bare save for a vase of dead flowers surrounded by crisp dried out petals. Beth picks up one of the petals and holds it between her thumb and forefinger as she follows Rick into the kitchen, wrinkling her nose up at the foul smell emanating from the fridge.

It’s a bright open space that’s been refurbished with new appliances, quartz countertops and a large central island. The kitchen table is tucked into a bay window that looks out on a large grassy yard and the barn in the distance.

“There are a couple wells on the property. We’ll check in the morning to see if we can get some running water,” Rick says when Maggie tries the handle to the faucet and only a trickle of water comes out. “But that’s not the best part,” he adds with a grin. He leads them down to the cellar, a small cool room with shelves lining each wall that are stocked with canned goods, dry pasta, rice and beans, sacks of flour and sugar, gallon jugs of water, toilet paper, toothpaste, and soap.

And one entire shelf stocked with wine.

They all gaze around in wonderment, unsure of what to even dive into first. Carl picks up a jar. “I can’t remember the last time I had peanut butter.”

Beth slides her gaze towards Daryl, smiling at the tiny smirk playing at his lips.

“It may not all be good anymore, but it’s something. We’ll send a group out in a couple days to see if there are any places we can use nearby to find more supplies.”

They continue the tour upstairs where there are four more bedrooms and a bathroom down a narrow hallway. All the beds are made up neatly and clothes are still hanging in the closets or lying folded in drawers, as if the people living there had simply vanished, and left behind a thick layer of dust over every surface.

After making sure that Tyreese is taking care of Judith Beth slips out to the porch to sit on the front steps and look out over the expanse of land stretched beyond the house. A smear of pink spreads across the sky as the sun sinks slowly down behind the hills, seeming to burn brighter in its last moments of day and making the trees themselves look like they’re on fire.

The cool breeze laps gently at her skin, the loose strands of her hair tickling her cheeks and Beth closes her eyes until there are footsteps behind her and Maggie sits down close and puts a bible in her lap.

“I found this upstairs.”

Beth runs her fingers over the worn leather binding with a faint smile. Maggie bumps her shoulder and she opens the bible, flipping through the tissue thin pages with gold gilded edges, trying to remember some of the verses their dad used to love.

When she finds one that sounds familiar she starts aloud, “See, a king will reign in righteousness and rulers will rule with justice.” She pauses and looks up at Maggie who nods at her to keep going. “Each one will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land.”

Behind them Rick leans into the doorframe, listening to Beth’s soft voice, his eyes fixed on the road.

“It’s a good place,” Daryl says as he sidles up next to him.

Rick nods. “Doesn’t have the walls of the prison but it’ll do. We’ll set up a perimeter, maybe dig some trenches like we wanted to do at the prison. Should be safe. For now.”

“You don’t trust it?”

“Do you?”

“Don’t trust much ‘sides us anymore.”

Rick hums in agreement and looks over at him but Daryl’s gaze is on Beth as she continues to read.

“The fortress will be abandoned, the noisy city deserted; citadel and watchtower will become a wasteland forever, till the Spirit is poured on us from high and the desert becomes a fertile field and the fertile field seems like a forest. The Lord’s justice will dwell in the desert, his righteousness will live in the fertile field. The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. My people will love in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest. Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, how blessed you will be, sowing your seed by every stream and letting your cattle and donkeys range free.”

She pauses when it gets too dark to see the fine lettering, and closes the bible, resting her clasped hands on the cover. The muted purple of the sky above them continues to deepen and darken until the full moon shines high and bright amid the stars and the glow of satellites hanging forgotten in space.


End file.
